Why Must the Nice People Be Squashed???

In the past 24 hours, I have witnessed 2 more squashings...nice people squashings, that is.  I don't get it!  Why can't the nice and well-intentioned people of this world be left alone?  Are they hurting anyone?  No!  Are they causing trouble?  No!  Usually, they are trying to make the world a better place, often one person or situation at a time!  Half the time, they don't even realize they are doing it (being super nice)!  It's a natural gift, given to them, and they are just being themselves!  Yes, I am a little worked up over this.  As someone who has been squashed many times, I have become very passionate about my fellow squashees...

Case 1:  A seminarian student who is following his call is completely disrespected by his synod candidacy committee.  They question his motives, his call.  He has moved his family (a wife and 3 adorable little ones) to a new town in a new state to start this new seminary journey.  He feels called to do this (by God, by the way) and has taken this leap of faith despite the unknowns.  This man is a man of God and is doing what he feels is right. 

Case 2:  A friend of mine writes a beautiful blog about her life and family.  She is real and honest and is a lovely Christian woman.  She wrote in her blog the other day about an outing her family took and how a stranger (also now a squashee) went above and beyond and made the day extra special for her young son.  This story went viral and received a lot of positives, but those negative squashers came out in full force.  They squashed her for being a bad parent for one reason or another and they took her honest blog and made it into something negative and evil.  It made my heart break for her.  I have learned so much from this woman, and I feel that I know her heart and it was in a place of goodness and appreciation when she wrote her blog.  It pierces my heart to see her ripped to shreds by squashers.

And this is just 24 hours, people!  The squashers are always out there!  I can't tell you how many times I have also been squashed...it hurts and stings like you wouldn't believe.  But it also makes us stronger.  We will come back stronger than ever and with more confidence.  Yes, we will be broken for awhile.  We are human after all.  And it won't be the only time we get squashed.  Squashees tend to become regulars...we just can't stop our human nature.  We want to do good and help others...in the cases above and in my case, our ultimate goal is to serve God.  There is nothing the devil likes more than to prey on people like us.  Makes me want to fight it even more. 

Ephesians 6:10-18

New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

An Abundance of Blessings

While I have a ton of blog thoughts and ideas running through my head once again, I have decided to go with my Blessings and Thankfulness List for today as a way to let you know what's going on here.  In no particular order here it goes...

• The wonderful health of my family!
• My candidacy essay is written and turned in to Wartburg.  It will be on its way to the synod shortly!  That means... I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN ACCEPTED TO THE DIACONAL MINISTRY PROGRAM!!!
• Steve is halfway through CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) and is learning so much about being a hospital chaplain.
• My friends and family, near and far, who have helped us through CPE!
• My parent's dog, Max, who is staying with us for a bit.  I love love love having a dog in the house again!
• My parents who have safely arrived in Baltimore.
• The smell of warm brownies just out of the oven and waiting to be frosted!
• My friend, Tricia, who has me on her radar all the time!  Love her!  And she's coming to visit tomorrow!!!
• Other bloggers who encourage me and my writing and validate my feelings on being in seminary and being a future pastor's wife.
• Homeschooling my kids!
• Scentsy...it makes my house smell so good and it provides a bit of income for me!
• Mini day trips with my kids and their friends!
• Beautiful weather for said trips and beautiful scenery (yes, Iowa is growing on me)!
• Air conditioning, even if it's of the window variety.
• Book...love to read outside these days!
• Quilting and cross stitching!
• New walking shoes (for that 5K I am supposed to be training for...September is months away yet, isn't it?)
• Picking strawberries fresh from the field.
• Community potlucks every week, even on the 4th of July

There are lots more things I could add to the list, but I have nappers who will be waking up soon.  Thanks for checking in...more to come later!

The Hug

I have spent all day looking for something...something to cheer me up, to lift my spirits, to mend my heart a little bit.  Today has been a challenge for many reasons that I won't go into here, but beyond all those reasons is the underlying sadness I always feel on this day and the day after every year.  Nine years ago tomorrow, I lost a baby at 13 weeks in my pregnancy.  It rocked me to my core, and I relive it every year.  Today is the day that I dread the feelings I will feel tomorrow.  I dread that exact time passing.  I dread thinking about the events of that day and feeling those feelings again.  I spend the day wondering "what if" and "why?". 

This afternoon, after being challenged by my children all morning on top of dealing with my anxiety and sadness, I took out my Bible and spent some time in prayer asking God for guidance.  I was led to II Chronicles 1:7- "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."  I was reminded of the importance of prayer all the time, but especially now, when I was struggling.  I knew what I needed to ask for...patience, guidance, love, comfort, to ease the loneliness, peace, more patience.  Prayer is not a luxury; it is a necessity.  We need to talk to God.  It is worth the time!  I have allowed much of my faith life to sadly slip away while being on this seminary journey (ironic, I know).  I am realizing now, more than ever, that I need to put it back in my life.  I need my time with God- my Bible study, my prayer time, a church life.  I am stronger with it than without it.  I am stronger with God than without God.  Curious for other verses on prayer, I looked up Luke 5:16- "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."  I certainly was feeling like I was in a lonely place today.  I decided to take advantage of this moment, while my little one was sleeping beside me and his older siblings were outside.  I dropped everything and prayed again.  I thanked God for all the good things I had, despite some of my current frustrations with them.   And I asked God for what I needed right now...patience, guidance, love, comfort, to ease the loneliness, peace, and more patience. 

Fast forward to a couple hours later.  Despite feeling extremely numb and unsocial, I headed down to our seminary community Thursday night potluck.  And it was there that I received my patience, guidance, love, comfort, ease of loneliness, peace, and more patience...all in the form of a hug...from a rather unexpected person.  I had been on this person's heart today, and God hooked us up.  I was blessed enough to receive a hug at the beginning of the potluck and another one at the end.  I asked, and I received.  God is good.

I'm still dreading tomorrow, but I'm dreading it a little bit less.  Thanks to an awesome God and an unexpected hug. 

The Essay

Right now I am armed with Cherry Kool-aid and a box of Whoppers, and I am supposed to be cranking out my candidacy essay.  You know, the one where I tell my candidacy committee about my faith journey and how I am discerning my call to diaconal ministry?  Yeah, it's going nowhere fast.  I am struggling.  I have started over at least three times, and I don't like version four a whole lot right now.  Did I mention that my self-imposed deadline is tomorrow?  What I would really like to say is this...

Dear Candidacy Committee,
I was auditing a seminary class in February when God dropped a brick on me.  I thought I was there to get a break from my "mommy" role and to get some adult interaction.  I didn't intend to walk out of class that night and throw more craziness into my already crazy life!  It wasn't my plan to apply to seminary and enjoy it!  But God had other plans for me, and I have learned not to ignore God.  So here I am, a child of God, who is being the best mom she can be and the best teacher she can be and the best wife she can be and the best person she can be.  I am not perfect, but my parents always told me to do as I am told.  God has called me to diaconal ministry, and I choose to follow God.  I do not know where this call is headed, but it is where I am supposed to be.  I do not know how I will make all of this work, but it will.  God has a plan.  Perhaps God would be better equipped to write this essay? :)

Sincerely,
Koren

Obviously, I cannot turn that in to my committee.  They want my story...more eloquent than this and with more information.  They want to know who has influenced me and who supports me in my faith journey.  How do I take 37 years and fit it into a brief essay?  How do I put eloquent words onto paper when my head is filled with the language of kids under the age of 10?  How am I ever going to balance my family and school?  Why is writing this essay so stinking hard when I actually enjoy writing????

For those of you who follow my blog, yes, I have regressed in the worry department and, no, I never did get caught up on my Bible study.  Prayers, people!  I need some prayers!  Back to the essay....

Worry

Lately I have been allowing my worries to take over...I have "quit" seminary in my head at least twice a week for the past month.  I have convinced myself that it is not going to work, and I have struggled with why God has given me this call if it's not going to work.  In my heart, I know it will work out.  Yes, a few wrinkles need to be ironed out...some of which will not be ironed out until this summer.  But IT WILL WORK OUT!!!  I know I need to be patient (not my strongest point), and I need to have faith.  Tonight after the kids fell asleep, I quickly cleaned the kitchen.  My reward was 15 minutes of quiet with my Bible and God.  I prayed that God would give me a message....speak some sort of wisdom into my heart.  Ask and ye shall receive!  I opened my Bible to Matthew 6:25 and read, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear..."  I continued on and read Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  I read those exact words, but what I heard was, "KOREN, STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL!  YOU ARE WASTING ENERGY!"  (Not mention driving everyone I know crazy!)  Yep, I asked and I received.

So now what am I going to do about it?  Well, here's the funny thing.  God has such a great sense of humor.  Earlier tonight, while rocking my little guy to sleep, I was online on my Nook reader.  I accidentally hit a wrong button and ended up on the site for a Bible study I had stopped doing about 3 weeks ago because I had fallen behind.  The Bible study is called "Stressed Less Living."  You can stop laughing now.  I had quit because I was stressed out at the fact that I couldn't keep up.  But the page popped up before I could change it, and the caption for today's blog caught my eye..."A Personal Note for the Stressed-Out and Fallen Behind Gals".  I kid you not!  I read on..."OK Ladies, here’s the deal – Many of you have told me you are behind on your reading and STRESSED over it! Let’s stop right there…… Here’s what I want you to do ~ pick up at chapter 5. You can go back and read the previous chapters later – DO NOT STRESS over it. This study is to help us be STRESSED-LESS not STRESSED-OUT."  

So I am going to stop stressing, head upstairs, snuggle up in bed, and pick up at Chapter 5.  And I am going to work really hard at putting my worries aside this week.  All I can do is my best.  I need to turn my focus to God and let God take care of the details.  I haven't been let down yet.

The Silent, but not Forgotten Blog

February.  Yes, that was my last blog entry.  That was before a big dose of craziness hit our family!  It is good craziness, but it is craziness just the same!  I am vowing to be a better blogger.  Partially because I think I may have a few followers who haven't given up on me completely and partially because it is good therapy for me amidst my craziness!  So here we go...I would say I'm throwing more snowballs at you, but it's May now.  So here are a few seeds I'm planting for future blog subjects...

• Holy Spirit Retreat:  Was AWESOME!!!  I learned so much about myself and discerned so much over the weekend!

• Wartburg Theological Seminary now has 2 Lindley students!!!  Yes, crazy!  I am a "Discovery Student" right now, but as soon as I turn in my candidacy essay I will be admitted into the Diaconal Ministry program!  

•  Finishing up my first semester...well, why waste time, right?  I switched my classes from "audit" to "credit"...and I am just finishing them up.  I have loved every minute of my class time.  The professors are amazing and so knowledgeable,  and I am learning so much. 

•  Whose "call?"  OUR call!  I am realizing more and more each day that this journey we (the Lindley family) are on is a FAMILY CALL!  God has great things planned for all of us, including the kids, and I can't wait to watch it unfold a little more each day.  Every day I feel we are claiming this family call more and more.  It is so exciting!

• Part of our Family Call is homeschooling...I have had my share of doubts this year in particular about whether or not Steve and I are supposed to keep the homeschooling piece in our family.  I have had people question me on it..."wouldn't it be easier to put them in public school?"  Yes, it would be easier...but that doesn't mean we should!   As I have discerned my part of our family call, it has become quite clear that homeschooling is part of our family call.  I have had so many "moments" in the past month that have confirmed that.  So onward we go!  (And I have 2 large ABEKA boxes sitting here beside me with next year's curriculum in them to prove it!)

This is just a bit of what's brewing in my head right now for future blogs!  I am so happy to be back, and I promise to get to the blog more often!  Thanks for stopping by and not completely giving up on me!  Blessings to you!

PS  Loving this song right now...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O1GleGicNg

 

Snowball Fight!

So one of our close family friends has this awesome bucket at their house that has stuffed snowballs with happy little faces on them.  When we go over there to visit, someone inevitably will pull out one or two of the snowballs, throw them at another person or child, and yell "Snowball Fight!" And for a few moments, chaos happens.  It's great fun!  :)  As I was thinking about what to write on the blog, I was having trouble deciding on topic A or B or F or N or Z.  Yes, a lot has been going on down here in the Fishbowl since I last wrote in (gasp!) October.  The snowballs came to mind though...lots of snowballs in a bucket.  It was very much like all the thoughts and blog topics running through my head.  So here you go...a handful of snowball sized blogs!

• There's a new talker in the house!  Yes, Brigham Boy is stringing words together and even cracking pint-sized humor.  He knows what to say to make people laugh!  My favorite is his new routine at bedtime.  He lists everyone he has seen recently, says a word about what he did with them, nods his head, and moves on to the next one.  Adorable!
• J-Term Fun!  Steven was in Milwaukee for 10 days in January (J-term), so the kids and I were flying solo!  I have to say we had a lot of fun with the other families who were missing an adult.  We had multi-family dinners, lots of laughs, and a few tears.  But in the end, it was a time of pulling together and helping each other out.  That is one of the great things about WTS and its community!
• Aiden's basketball season is here!  I love watching Aiden play ball.  It is something he truly loves to do and is very good at.  While his team here is not the Tri-County competitive team that he had back home, it is a place for him to learn and grow.  He seems happy to just be on the court, and we enjoy watching.  
• Speaking of basketball, the Wartburg Runnin' Reformers finally have a few wins under their belt.  This would be the team Steven plays on.  We have a very special German student to thank for being their good luck charm.  If it weren't for Judith, well....let's not go there!  Congrats Runnin' Reformers!
• Visits! Visits! Visits!  We were so blessed to have family and friends come visit us the past few months.  We enjoyed visits from grandparents, aunts, cousins, friends, and neighbors.  
•  Zoe and Emmy have become roommates thanks to a big old switcharoo we did in January with bedrooms.  The boys have new"seminary bunkbeds" (cheap Walmart bunks with the legs cut off so Aiden doesn't have to sleep kissing the ceiling...we can't wait to order another set of handcrafted beds from our friend when this seminary gig is over). We are still talking Brigham into sleeping in his big boy bed...naps are great...nighttime, not so much.
• As for me, I continue to work my Scentsy business when I am able (www.korenlindley@scentsy.us), and I started a new Bible Study on-line this week... Let.It.Go!  I've really been missing something spiritually in my life (I know, I live on a Lutheran Seminary campus!), and I feel like this is very needed in my life right now....not just the Bible study time, but the topic.  I am learning to follow God without questions, but, quite frankly, I'm not very good at it. And I better improve, because he's knocking on my door! 
• I also started auditing a seminary class this semester.  Tonight was my first night, and, well, let's just say some wheels got turning, and things have the potential to get downright crazy and chaotic!  More on that in a future blog! Yes, it is related to the Bible study. :)
•  Last but certainly not least, I am so looking forward to this month!  I love February for lots of reasons...Groundhog's Day (bring on spring!) and lots of family birthdays (including mine!) are just a few.  But this February I am blessed enough to be headed to the Rock and Worship Roadshow with one of my best buds from back home to see my fave Christian singer....Jeremy Camp!!!!  And, I am also going on a weekend Holy Spirit Retreat with my home church in February!  I am so excited and the timing couldn't be better....remember that craziness and following God stuff I mentioned earlier?  Yep, it's going to be great!

Okay, enough snowballs for now.  My arms are getting tired.  :) Thanks for checking in and keeping us in your prayers.