The Essay

Right now I am armed with Cherry Kool-aid and a box of Whoppers, and I am supposed to be cranking out my candidacy essay.  You know, the one where I tell my candidacy committee about my faith journey and how I am discerning my call to diaconal ministry?  Yeah, it's going nowhere fast.  I am struggling.  I have started over at least three times, and I don't like version four a whole lot right now.  Did I mention that my self-imposed deadline is tomorrow?  What I would really like to say is this...

Dear Candidacy Committee,
I was auditing a seminary class in February when God dropped a brick on me.  I thought I was there to get a break from my "mommy" role and to get some adult interaction.  I didn't intend to walk out of class that night and throw more craziness into my already crazy life!  It wasn't my plan to apply to seminary and enjoy it!  But God had other plans for me, and I have learned not to ignore God.  So here I am, a child of God, who is being the best mom she can be and the best teacher she can be and the best wife she can be and the best person she can be.  I am not perfect, but my parents always told me to do as I am told.  God has called me to diaconal ministry, and I choose to follow God.  I do not know where this call is headed, but it is where I am supposed to be.  I do not know how I will make all of this work, but it will.  God has a plan.  Perhaps God would be better equipped to write this essay? :)

Sincerely,
Koren

Obviously, I cannot turn that in to my committee.  They want my story...more eloquent than this and with more information.  They want to know who has influenced me and who supports me in my faith journey.  How do I take 37 years and fit it into a brief essay?  How do I put eloquent words onto paper when my head is filled with the language of kids under the age of 10?  How am I ever going to balance my family and school?  Why is writing this essay so stinking hard when I actually enjoy writing????

For those of you who follow my blog, yes, I have regressed in the worry department and, no, I never did get caught up on my Bible study.  Prayers, people!  I need some prayers!  Back to the essay....

Worry

Lately I have been allowing my worries to take over...I have "quit" seminary in my head at least twice a week for the past month.  I have convinced myself that it is not going to work, and I have struggled with why God has given me this call if it's not going to work.  In my heart, I know it will work out.  Yes, a few wrinkles need to be ironed out...some of which will not be ironed out until this summer.  But IT WILL WORK OUT!!!  I know I need to be patient (not my strongest point), and I need to have faith.  Tonight after the kids fell asleep, I quickly cleaned the kitchen.  My reward was 15 minutes of quiet with my Bible and God.  I prayed that God would give me a message....speak some sort of wisdom into my heart.  Ask and ye shall receive!  I opened my Bible to Matthew 6:25 and read, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear..."  I continued on and read Matthew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  I read those exact words, but what I heard was, "KOREN, STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL!  YOU ARE WASTING ENERGY!"  (Not mention driving everyone I know crazy!)  Yep, I asked and I received.

So now what am I going to do about it?  Well, here's the funny thing.  God has such a great sense of humor.  Earlier tonight, while rocking my little guy to sleep, I was online on my Nook reader.  I accidentally hit a wrong button and ended up on the site for a Bible study I had stopped doing about 3 weeks ago because I had fallen behind.  The Bible study is called "Stressed Less Living."  You can stop laughing now.  I had quit because I was stressed out at the fact that I couldn't keep up.  But the page popped up before I could change it, and the caption for today's blog caught my eye..."A Personal Note for the Stressed-Out and Fallen Behind Gals".  I kid you not!  I read on..."OK Ladies, here’s the deal – Many of you have told me you are behind on your reading and STRESSED over it! Let’s stop right there…… Here’s what I want you to do ~ pick up at chapter 5. You can go back and read the previous chapters later – DO NOT STRESS over it. This study is to help us be STRESSED-LESS not STRESSED-OUT."  

So I am going to stop stressing, head upstairs, snuggle up in bed, and pick up at Chapter 5.  And I am going to work really hard at putting my worries aside this week.  All I can do is my best.  I need to turn my focus to God and let God take care of the details.  I haven't been let down yet.

The Silent, but not Forgotten Blog

February.  Yes, that was my last blog entry.  That was before a big dose of craziness hit our family!  It is good craziness, but it is craziness just the same!  I am vowing to be a better blogger.  Partially because I think I may have a few followers who haven't given up on me completely and partially because it is good therapy for me amidst my craziness!  So here we go...I would say I'm throwing more snowballs at you, but it's May now.  So here are a few seeds I'm planting for future blog subjects...

• Holy Spirit Retreat:  Was AWESOME!!!  I learned so much about myself and discerned so much over the weekend!

• Wartburg Theological Seminary now has 2 Lindley students!!!  Yes, crazy!  I am a "Discovery Student" right now, but as soon as I turn in my candidacy essay I will be admitted into the Diaconal Ministry program!  

•  Finishing up my first semester...well, why waste time, right?  I switched my classes from "audit" to "credit"...and I am just finishing them up.  I have loved every minute of my class time.  The professors are amazing and so knowledgeable,  and I am learning so much. 

•  Whose "call?"  OUR call!  I am realizing more and more each day that this journey we (the Lindley family) are on is a FAMILY CALL!  God has great things planned for all of us, including the kids, and I can't wait to watch it unfold a little more each day.  Every day I feel we are claiming this family call more and more.  It is so exciting!

• Part of our Family Call is homeschooling...I have had my share of doubts this year in particular about whether or not Steve and I are supposed to keep the homeschooling piece in our family.  I have had people question me on it..."wouldn't it be easier to put them in public school?"  Yes, it would be easier...but that doesn't mean we should!   As I have discerned my part of our family call, it has become quite clear that homeschooling is part of our family call.  I have had so many "moments" in the past month that have confirmed that.  So onward we go!  (And I have 2 large ABEKA boxes sitting here beside me with next year's curriculum in them to prove it!)

This is just a bit of what's brewing in my head right now for future blogs!  I am so happy to be back, and I promise to get to the blog more often!  Thanks for stopping by and not completely giving up on me!  Blessings to you!

PS  Loving this song right now...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O1GleGicNg